more poems

I find it no surprise

that in spanish

pain rhymes with love

for it is always true

that when one hand holds another's

the other holds a knife 

Poe it try

It goes something like this:

All around me I watch the world slowly disassemble, then reassemble itself on a daily basis. 

There is a house on the corner that (at some point) must have been filled with life, with a family, with air and breathing, and beating of hearts, and running feet... probably barefoot feet.

But now, all I see is a collection of stuff nobody wants or nobody ever owned: some old speaker cabinets without speaker cones, used paint, futons, chairs, pillows, in all sorts or decay and decrepitude.

I never see anyone take these things out, nor see anyone take them. It is as if through osmosis, the house is slowly seeping its contents onto the street, next to the brown-purple-black splatters from plums falling from a tree behind a fence.

I see the man with the shopping cart delicately search his belongings for a cassette tape, a brush, a calendar, knowing that it is not a house that makes it home but the aura emanating off of the artifacts you touch carefully, each day, with love.

And it is sad, truly it is, but I can't help but smile a little. Because as this world is breathing out, your world is inhaling. I know that on the polar opposite of the globe, people are taking all of these things and reassembling them into something beautiful, something useful.

J-M-Perusor: suggestions from dirby

J-M-Perusor: suggestions from dirby: "Some of my favorite books of all time: chimamanda ngozi adichie, Half of a Yellow Sun mikhail bulgakov, The Master and Margarita carson m..."

Murakami is super easy to read over the summer. Highly recommend Norwegian Wood. Or, if you are into more fantastical randomness, Hardboiled Wonderland at the End of the World (Also Murakami) is grrrrreat!

We build altars

We build altars

We build altars
with hands and found things
on bended knees
crooked spines aligned and alighted on
the central objects of our affectations

we build altars
to send to the heavens
a cosmic email
a twit-proof objective point
signals spirals circles
anointed anointing
we are here
we hear

we build altars
and with closed lips
send our prayers
amens and hallelujias
to refocus
on our centers

we build altars
so that we can connect once again
to the sacred
to the truth that gives us
our mission
one meaning
the heart to carry forward
in a dessert of pain
silent yet never silenced
we build our altars

Successes and Losses

Hey all,
As many of you have seen, I have been involved in the long arduous process of getting into medical school. Well here's an update: I got into the Joint Medical Program at UC Berkeley/UCSF. I am super excited as this was my first choice and the program offers pretty much everything I wanted out of my education: public health focus/social justice focus, the chance to live in beautiful Berkeley/stay in teh Bay Area with friends and family, and a MD from UCSF!!!

Also, just secured an awesome house in Berktown, walking distance from everything in a beautiful neighborhood. And so it seems as though life is good...

But alas, there is always the bittersweet, and as many of you who are close to me may know, our family has been through quite a few medica/health problems these last 6 or 7 months. We as a family continue to survive and try to keep our spirits strong and our faith constant, but this is very hard given how quickly we have been bombarded by one catastrophe after another.

I myself have had a few stumbles along the way too, but have been fortunate enough to be in good health, and also I had an amazing travel experience in Europe for two weeks, greatly improved by a rampant icelandic volcano disrupting airspace.

This is to be a short post as I am not really in the mood to dredge up specifics of what has been going on, but for now let me leave you hopeful:

I am finaly enroute to accomplishing my hearts desire of becoming a consciencious doctor who will someday go on to affect positive change in this world. I have been tempered in the toils of hard work, and weathered through multiple storms of medical catastrophes, financial woes, and all sorts of heart wrenching obstacles, yet I continue to stand strong and will continue to move forward in life. There is only this time now to continue to progress towards that life I have been dreaming of. I am still quite worried about what tomorrow will bring, or how I will be able to face the challenges I am currently facing, but I know that I have the best social support group of friends in the world, and I have an amazingly loving God watching over me and helping me through all things.

Blessings and Love,
Michael

Musings on an amniotic insominiacle Monday

Wait listed at penn state and albany. rejected from four I beleive.. that gives me 18 or so more left to find out from. The wait is awful. They should give medschools a deadline to tell you if you are invited for an interview. Well, I guess they do, but it is usually so much longer after applications are due that it leaves one with questions as to: "How do I spend the next two months waiting?" It is kiling me I tell you. Every little bit of mail and email and info coming in from a school feels like ice in my hands.

Thin envelopes, always broody and too thin for anything good.

Thank god my job isn't killing me.

Another musing:
Missed connections on craigslist is like a nerdy soap opera. Really ought to check them out. Some are very depressing, others are just plain riddiculous. I am debating whether or not to start taking down statistics: m4m, w4m, m4w, how many people respond, what kind of posts get responses... I have so many questions!!!

Does love exist out there? And if so, is fate or whatever strong enough to keep people from missing each other? Just one love story arising from craigslist would be enough to make my anxiety ease up a bit. Just one folks... make your next wish on a shooting start be for someone to find true love that very instant. I am hoping that at least as a human race, even if I continue to get rejected, waitlisted, or even ignored... that as in medschool, all I need is that one.

Midnight sick rant

Thoughts on turning 1/4 of a hundo years old:

Maturity is something that is decieving; we often confuse becomming more mature with never repeating the same mistakes again. I don't think all repeated mistakes are failures... some lessons need practice to learn.

I am no longer sure that I will be able to get everywhere in life navigating only by the helm of intuition.

I also recognize that decision making will NEVER be easy until the day I die.

If love were like one side of a coin, I do not think its opposite side would be hate: I think it would be apathy.